theSpectacle | Home of British Newsing

TOP NEWSING	The 30-Second theSpectacle

Police smash Emmerdale terror-plot Yorkshire Police have foiled attempts by producers of ITV1's flagship drama Emmerdale to introduce a terror-plot. Police raided several addresses in Leeds, Manchester and London after receiving a tip-off from a member of the public. Details of the terror-plot emerged yesterday as scripts seized by the police were presented at a news conference. The producers of the show were attempting to introduce a 'sleeper cell' story. The sleeper cell would rent a holiday cottage in the village, become increasing annoyed at the decadent ways of the locals and decide to blow up the Woolpack. In a related sub-plot, one of the cell would fall in love with one of the Dingles, thus setting up a conflict of interest and giving the story some real heart. 'They've already blown up a plane and half the village,' said C.I. Henry Planner of the national crime squad, speaking yesterday. 'A couple of weeks ago a show home was rocked by a series of explosions, we counted ten at least. That's more than enough explosions.' Had the producers' attempts to introduce a terror-plot suceeded the results would have been dire, he added. In what was a bad day for soaps, EastEnders lost it's appeal against a five year ban from running any stories relating to the establishment of an Albert Square football team made up for four regulars and seven extras whose job it is to crowd the bar going 'waywayheyhey!' after they've won their first match. Judge Manfred Bloom said, in giving his ruling, that although he hardly ever watched EastEnders he had seen 'at least five lots of soccer-team-setting-up stories. The producers must think we're a nation of easily-pleased simpletons.' Oxford University announces first chair in Nutty Oxford Univeristy, together with an unnamed sponsor, have launched the nation's first Nutty Professorship. The ideal candidate would be a radical, free-thinking scientist with a considerable body of unethical research and a personality disorder. >>> FULL STORY Builder ' impressed' with efforts of previous builder Called to provide a quote for the possible replacement of a damp course in a kitchen extension, builder James Dudley, of Watford Hertfordshire, yesterday declared himself impressed with the efforts of the previous builder. >>> FULL STORY HDTV viewers find images of famine, disease and war 'disturbingly amazing' An independent media watchdog has found that HDTV viewers find images of a graphic nature, such as famine, disease and war 'disturbingly amazing.' >>> FULL STORY Years Of Hurt set to grow by 10% in 4 years Analysts have predicted that Years Of Hurt will grow by 10% over the next four years, bringing the total Years Of Hurt to 44. It was hoped that Years Of Hurt would fall this year after 40 years of steadily increasing. There is better news though, as the rate of increase continues to fall. Coming in October in theSpectacle Graham Bradley's gender war Keith O'Donnell on how to make £4000 in a day from the rental market the clocks going back Inside Business: from boom to boom, how the cancellation of Death Star III will cost 3 million jobs Science: that toe up your arse? Thank evolution Halloween plus more news, more briefs, more opinion & Martin Amis: The A-Team: Deadly Heat	Sponsored Link NEW THIS ISSUE! >>> The Week Ahead .Arts Meanwhile... At The Office Of Evil TOP NEWSING >>> Police smash Emmerdale terror-plot >>> Oxford University announces first chair in Nutty >>> Builder 'impressed' with efforts of previous builder >>> HDTV viewers find images of famine, disease and war 'amazingly disturbing' NEWS BRIEFS >>> A level sociology student dazzles examiners with ergo, therefore and thus >>> Comedy website mightily regrets getting booted out of Google's Adsense >>> Man charged with self-abuse >>> Rory McGrath records smallest ever jump >>> Digitally re-mastered for the 21st century, the BBC releases 255 episodes of Last Of The Summer Wine on DVD COLUMNISTS >>> Mark Lawson on Martin Amis's The A Team >>> 'Tramp-Man could spot a half-smoked fag in the next parish.' Read Lightening Man's tribute to forgotten Superheroes HEADLINES Currys employee determined to ascertain exactly what you're looking for in a kettle School children rally against detention without trial Americans refute Intelligent Design Kermit and Miss Piggy split citing 'irreconcilable differences' in reproductive organs ITV to save Saturday night with Celebrity Shark Jumping Harsh reality of British space programme forces British five year olds to reconsider career options

re-imagined, re-impassioned, re-connected, re-inflamed: theSpectacle, it is news as it happens