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| New to theSpectacle: Meanwhile at the Office of Evil... | The 30-Second theSpectacle |
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ALAN FIEND...
CHERRY
GREEN... IS A PHANTOM! HE SPENDS SIX MONTHS OF THE YEAR IN PRISON OR IN UNDERGROUND LAIRS, DEPENDING ON PAROLE CONDITIONS AND THE WEATHER. OLDER THAT SIN - BUT YOUNGER THAN JOAN RIVERS! - SOME SAY HE GAVE BIRTH TO THE 20TH CENTURY, BUT HE CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT IT SAVE THE STITICHES. ALAN IS A PART-TIME MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ENJOYS THE OCCASIONAL MURDER. HE ALSO LIKES TO COOK. WAS BORN IN BLACKPOOL TO PARENTS WHO MADE THEIR OWN CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS. BADLY. CHERRY LIVES IN LONDON & HAS BEEN A SUCCESSFUL STAND-UP SINCE 2003. HER DARK BLEND OF OBSERVATIONAL HUMOUR & SOCIAL COMMENTARY HAS PROVED A MASSIVE HIT WITH AUIDIENCES & IS PROPELLING HER TOWARDS THE HEIGHTS OF STARDOM. YOU CAN VISIT HER HERE. SCOTT TAYLOR... WAS BORN & RAISED IN NOTTINGHAM. HE HAS ALSO LIVED IN LONDON, BRISTOL & SIBERIA. IN LONDON HE WORKED FOR STARBUCKS BUT WAS SACKED AFTER STORING & SELLING FUDGE BROWNIES THAT WERE 4 DAYS OUT OF DATE. HE HAS NO PETS OR SURVIVING GRANDPARENTS. SCOTT LIKES LASAGNE, THE WORD 'BUTTRESS' AND THE COLOUR BLUE. HE DISLIKES WEAK CORDIAL AND RAPISTS. BEN REEVES... BEGAN HIS CAREER WRITING SCRIPTS FOR TV PRESENTERS & SOON FOUND HIMSELF WORKING IN FILM DEVELOPMENT. HE IS CURRENTLY DEVELOPING VARIOUS COMEDY PROJECTS, ALTHOUGH JUDGING BY HIS DRY-BALLS PROFILE, GOD HELP US. HE CAN BE CONTACTED HERE MARK DOXEY... WAS BORN INTO POVERTY & HAD TO START LIFE IN HIS EARLY TEENS AS HIS PARENTS COULDN'T AFFORD TO GIVE HIM A CHILDHOOD. MARK RUNS HIS OWN BUSINESS AS A FREELANCE TRAFFIC CONE AND CAN OFTEN BE SEEN ON THE M1 BETWEEN LEICESTER AND SHEFFIELD. HE NOW LIVES IN THE PEAK DISTRICT WITH HIS DOG DAVE, GOLDFISH DAVE & A POT PLANT ALSO NAMED DAVE. HIS INTERESTS INCLUDE SNAIL-TAPPING, JUMPING UP & DOWN & GOING ON ADVENTURES WITH HIS IMAGINARY FRIEND, DAVE. DANIEL BARON... AGED 32, DANIEL WAS BORN 27 YEARS AGO IN KIRUNA, NORTHERN SWEDEN. HE MOVED TO KALMAR IN SOUTHERN SWEDEN AGED 7 WHEN HIS FATHER GOT A NEW JOB AT A WELL-KNOWN DECKCHAIR MANUFACTURER. AS A REACTION TO CONSTANT JIBES HE GOT IN SOUTHERN SWEDEN ABOUT HIS NOTHERN SWEDISH ACCENT HE VOWED TO WRITE NEWS ARTICLES FOR THE INTERNET, EVEN THOUGH IT HADN'T BEEN INVENTED YET. LOZ HORAN... IS NOW ON THE PROPERTY LADDER & HAS IMMEDIATELY FORGOTTEN WHAT IT IS TO BE 'STRUGGLING TO GET ON THE PROPERTY LADDER'. FORMERLY HAVING MARXIST LEANINGS HE WILL SOON BE VOTING FOR DAVID CAMERON, WHO SEEMS TO REPRESENT & EMPATHISE WITH 'HARD-WORKING, HONEST, PROPERY OWNING PEOPLE' SUCH AS LOZ. PREVIOUSLY PARTIAL TO BEER, HE NOW ENJOYS A NICE BOTTLE OF NEW-WORLD WINE, AS HE FEELS IT SAYS 'I'VE ARRIVED.' |
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>>> Police smash Emmerdale terror-plot >>> Oxford University announces first chair in Nutty >>> Builder 'impressed' with efforts of previous builder >>> HDTV viewers find images of famine, disease and war 'amazingly disturbing' NEWS BRIEFS
>>> A level sociology student dazzles examiners with ergo, therefore and thus >>> Comedy website mightily regrets getting booted out of Google's Adsense >>> Man charged with self-abuse >>> Rory McGrath records smallest ever jump >>> Digitally re-mastered for the 21st century, the BBC releases 255 episodes of Last Of The Summer Wine on DVD COLUMNISTS
>>> Mark Lawson on Martin Amis's The A Team >>> 'Tramp-Man could spot a half-smoked fag in the next parish.' Read Lightening Man's tribute to forgotten Superheroes HEADLINES
Currys employee determined to ascertain exactly what you're looking for in a kettle School children rally against detention without trial Americans refute Intelligent Design Kermit and Miss Piggy split citing 'irreconcilable differences' in reproductive organs ITV to save Saturday night with Celebrity Shark Jumping Harsh reality of British space programme forces British five year olds to reconsider career options |
