Oxford Univerisity announces first chair in Nutty

In a once in a lifetime opportunity, Oxford University has invited applications for the first internationally accredited chair in Nutty. The chair has been sponsored by a multinational company, rumoured to be Draxo, the privately owned venture-capital firm. A spokesman for the firm, speaking yesterday, said that while he could not confirm the rumour that Draxo has provided the funding, he would not deny it either. ‘It’s no secret that Draxo has been looking for innovative individuals to join our research and development arm. If this scheme produces high quality Nutty Professors then we wish it well.’

One early candidate for the chair is Albert Terror, a mad Doctor based at Reading University.

‘This would be an ideal position for me: no one else dares to dream the dreams I dream!’ he said yesterday from his home in Staines.

‘I have already been working on several schemes that would suit well my potential new role as a Nutty Professor. I’ve been working for the last five years on a gigantic laser that I could use to blow up the moon. 'The chaos caused to the tidal system would lead to the end of life on Earth as we know it. I’ve also been working on a scheme to wipe out the internet using gigantic magnets.’

Dr Terror, who has been a Mad Doctor for the last ten years said that this was a great opportunity for Britain to prove it can still compete internationally when it comes to devising diabolical schemes.

‘We’ve got lots of Mad Doctors in this country, but they’ve always been very parochial, limiting themselves to hare-brained plots to fuse the head of a dog onto a cat, or using the rejuvanative powers of the worm to live forever. This Chair will allow Britain to compete with some of the really big players. Germany is choc-a-bloc with Nutty Professors.’

'They can expect my application in the morning post,' Dr Terror went on. 'And woe betide them if it is rejected,or they do anything at all during the recruitment process that humiliates me.

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