Rory McGrath records smallest ever jump

Funny TV man Rory McGrath has recorded the world’s smallest ever jump. The jump, covering an arc the size of half a two pence piece, was filmed as part of a footy-themed credit card advert. 

‘Rory’s jump was really unique,’ said Dr Kelly Morton, of the British Sports Council. ‘For a jump to be considered for this record, the athlete must move both forward and upwards, and his back foot upon jumping must land ahead of the position the lead foot occupied when he took off. Rory’s had all that and additionally, and this is really, really important, you’ve got to be trying your hardest. I doubt this record will ever be beaten, as anyone likely to jump less well than Rory is also unlike to be able to walk.’ 

Dave Greenton, a passing musicologist, offered his own explanation for Rory’s tiny leap. ‘Sadly it’s all down to age. Rory’s moving on from middle-age now, and his body is stiffening. As children we move as the saxophone sounds, with blasts, and fits and starts, jazzy and vibrant. In our twenties we are more graceful, and move to violonical rhythyms, gently then searing, often straining, but soaring too. Watch that film of Rory running up to make his jump. His soundtrack’s a bloke playing a tuba falling into a drum kit.’