BBC 4 aims for younger eggheads

In the recently release spring television-schedules, BBC 4 has announced intention to broaden its viewership by appealing to the younger brainbox audience.

“The boozy, sex-obsessed, party-monkey teenager is well catered for on tv,” said a spokesperson. “These will be programmes for geeky, eggheaded, slightly pervy types.”

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UK corruption-free except for media, politicians, police, hospitals, banks and food-chain

A UN report analysing corruption in member states has declared the United Kingdom corruption-free, except for politicians, the media, health service management, banks, the police and the food-chain

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Curry’s sales-assistant wants to know an awful lot about kettle needs

“I never knew there was so much to buying a kettle,” said Keith Taylor from Plymouth, after spending twenty minutes discussing the full range of his kettle-requirements with Tony Small, a senior customer-focus executive with Curry’s in Plymouth.

Mr Small, with four years service at the out-of-town electrical retailer, has learnt that the secret to pleasing the customers, is knowing what the customer wants.

“Once I get chatting to a customer, I’ll know what they need better than they do,” he said, pumped-up after a particularly busy Saturday.

Mr Taylor, who only wanted a kettle, found the process of revealing his precise kettle-requirements arduous, said he was not impressed by Mr Small’s patter.

“I only wanted a kettle. Why’s he asking me what time I use my kettle? He’s obsessed with how I use my kettle. All I want to do is boil water.”

Tony Small remains unapologetic.

“There’s no point selling a punter a Tefal Eau-Radip, when what they really need is the Kenwood Aqua-Express.”

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theSpectacle returns!

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